Yep, I'm Lopsided

I noticed the other night while I was in bed that I could feel the outline of my protruding right uterus. It was so strange. It felt like the shape it looked like in the pictures from my laparoscopy, only bigger. You can't tell any lopsidedness looking at me, but just for fun I lied down on my bed last night and looked down at my stomach. It's totally lopsided when I do that! My right uterus was completely protruding and obvious. So weird! I don't have a picture, but maybe I'll post one soon.

My belly button is also doing strange things and becoming more spread out and shallow as my skin stretches. I was like, there really is a baby in there!

Here is a picture of me taken yesterday at 19.5 weeks. Forgive my dishevelment. It was at the end of the day. :-)

18 Weeks!

I had my bi-weekly cervix check done yesterday and everything looked wonderful! My cervix is holding up at 4 cm. I also had it physically examined and it was strong, firm, closed and holding up just fine. The doctor told me that usually if you are going to have a problem with your cervix, it shows up about this time, so the fact that it looks good is a great thing. However, that doesn't mean it won't still be an issue and I will continue to be monitored frequently.

I really appreciate my doctor because he is no frills. He doesn't scare me to death for no reason, but he also doesn't promise me anything. He just says it like it is. I appreciate that he wasn't like, "You're home free now! Nothing to worry about!" But, at the same time, he was realistic that it was a good thing that everything looked good so far. I think it helps to keep me calm knowing that I will get the bare-bones truth from him. He's been doing this for 25 years and I have complete trust in him -- a good thing, no doubt.

The baby is still head down and had a strong heartbeat in the 150's. I asked him about the likelihood of a c-section and he said it was a strong possibility -- which I know -- but he did say that it's not ruled out that I could have a vaginal delivery. Only time will tell. My prayer has been and continues to be that this baby would come full-term with no signs throughout my pregnancy that I even have a UU.

I've gained 5 pounds so far and just this week my appetite has suddenly exploded. I eat rather voraciously now, which if you know me is not typical. I am a very picky eater and can't eat a lot. I've always been that way, but suddenly I've turned a new leaf. So strange.

I know I keep saying this, but I am so thankful for each day that I am pregnant and still can't believe it. It's so surreal when they put that wand on my stomach and I hear a heartbeat other than mine inside of me. I pray for many of the bloggers I read that are still awaiting their miracles. I know that every child is a miracle and a blessing to their moms, but I'm telling you, there is a totally different joy and appreciation for those of us who have longed and waited for these babies. There just has to be.

Praying for those of you still longing today.

Good Little Uterus

My uterus is behaving and my cervix was just fine yesterday. Praise the Lord! The doctor says most cervix issues show up between 16-20 weeks. I will go in 2 weeks for my next check.

Of course I am concerned some days about the "what-ifs", but in spite of that, I have a peace that I cannot explain.

I heard the baby's heartbeat. It was strong and such a great sound. I still can't believe it. I still just can't.

I went to a large-chain maternity clothes store today and while I was checking out, the sales person told me she had been trying for 5 years with one miscarriage. I felt so badly for her and can't even imagine having to work in that environment every day while going through infertility. A strong woman indeed.

Off to get ready for bed for another day at the office.

16 Weeks

We arrived home from vacation last night. We had a wonderful time. We are probably what you would call active vacationers because we pack a whole lot in in a short amount of time. There is usually little time for lying around.

We went to Long Beach, Laguna Beach, San Diego, the San Diego Zoo, drove to the desert known as Joshua Tree National Park, and Disneyland. Josh also had two business meetings in Los Angeles. I stayed at the hotel and went to Downtown Disney. California is just absolutely breathtaking with so many different landscapes packed into one state.

Josh and I are HUGE Disney fans. We go to Disney World at least once a year. When we lived in Florida, we had season passes. It's an escape for us. It was so much fun to go this time and think that Lord willing, we will get to bring our child the next trip.

I even bought some pictures for the nursery. I haven't bought one thing for the baby yet for fear that something will go wrong, but I am trying to live in the moment and enjoy each day being pregnant. I am tired of living in fear. I can't control the outcome anyway. So you know what? I bought them.

Even more bizarre than me finally buying something for the baby was seeing people look at my belly. I have a belly? I couldn't help but think if any of them were struggling to become pregnant and the mere sight of me tore them to pieces. I wanted to wear a shirt that said, "I took me a LONG time to get here! This tummy was hard won!" Funny how IF will forever make me look at things and people differently.

I have my bi-weekly cervix check tomorrow. I am praying all is well after all the walking and hiking.

Sara requested some belly pictures, so I posted some from our trip. I was almost 16 weeks.

14 weeks and Counting!

We had our NT scan last Thursday. I was so excited I could hardly wait for the day to come. I think I mentally held my breath for a second when she placed the wand on my stomach as if to worry that Baby Bear might just have been a dream in my head or somehow had disappeared. Every time they do an ultrasound, it's the same feeling. I don't know if every mom-to-be feels this way, but somehow the endless ultrasounds of my empty uterus is a hard mental memory that's hard to shake. But then within seconds, there he was. My baby. Inside of me after all this time.

The u/s tech said her favorite time to do ultrasounds was between 11-13 weeks because they are fully babies and you can see them so clearly moving. I was simply amazed at every last detail. I could see every notch on his spine, his ribs, the bones in his arms. I saw his tiny footprint. I counted five tiny fingers on one arm and saw where his eyes and nose are. I saw his brain. I saw his profile and jawline. I even think I caught a glimpse of him sucking his thumb all at 13 weeks and 5 days. And we saw that he is probably a boy!

I can't help but praise my God when I see His handiwork in knitting this tiny little baby together. It screams of His glory. I think of Psalm 139 13-16. I love The Message version:

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

After seeing the baby, I had my cervix checked and it was great at 4.5 centimeters! I was so relieved. Hopefully, the good ole' ute will continue to behave.

We are off to California on Saturday for a week's vacation. It's a 5-6 hour plane ride, so should be interesting being pregnant. We are going to San Diego, LA and DisneyLand! I am so excited and ready for a vacation.

Mickey, here we come!

Happy Mother's Day

In the past this day has been really hard to get through. I'd dread it for weeks before. Today, we celebrated with anticipation of what's to come. It was great to not cry and fight back tears at church and to be wished Happy Mother's Day by the people at Sam's (yes, we went again today, like it's some sort of tradition) and not feel like a fraud.

Josh gave me the Willow Tree wood figurine of an expectant mom and a sweet card. We have not forgotten how blessed we are or those who today are still hurting and longing for children.

I am 13 weeks along now and have an appointment on Thursday for an NT scan and to check my cervix. Moving right along!

The Plan

Well, I am 11 weeks now and starting to feel some relief from the all day misnomer called morning sickness.

We had our first meeting with the OB on Monday the 21st and it went well. We got to see the baby on ultrasound and the doctor recorded it on DVD for us. It was amazing. At 10 weeks, Baby was kicking, punching, spinning around, and tenderly touching its face. Josh was amazed and so excited. I have watched the video too many times to count, never getting tired of watching this miracle that I have waited so long for and already love so very much.

We laid out a plan for monitoring and I feel good about it. I will start getting my cervix checked at 13 weeks every two weeks. He took a baseline measurement when I was there. If my cervix starts to shorten, we will do a cerclage and go from there. I will have the normal anatomy scan at 20 weeks and then starting at 24 weeks, I'll have an ultrasound every 4 weeks to check Baby's growth and well-being.

I have managed to freak myself out about many things already, including things that don't even relate to the UU. I keep reminding myself to enjoy the moment, the miracle -- the here and now -- and that I will worry about this child until the day that I die. Josh and I believe we were entrusted with this precious life by God and that he/she is His. I have to leave Baby in His hands and rejoice in this day. And I choose that.

The next step is that we will have an NT scan on May 15th followed by a cervix check.