Monday, April 30, 2007

Ready for a plan

Tomorrow I go to the RE to discuss the results of my laparoscopy and to get a plan together for getting pregnant! I am very anxious to hear what he has to say after the discovery of NO endometriosis which he seemed pretty convinced I had. I desperately want and need some encouragement. It's funny because I think I keep thinking what they say is going to determine my future and if I'll get pregnant, hanging on their every word. In reality, they are not fortune tellers and cannot tell me my future for sure. I guess only time will tell.

I have found myself getting excited about a baby again, surfing the web for ideas for a nursery and sneaking around in stores at the baby aisles as if the people around me had any idea that I don't "belong" in those aisles. I guess it's a comfort to dream.

Until tomorrow...

Monday, April 23, 2007

Allow me to introduce myself...

"It is a mercy that our lives are not left for us to plan, but that our Father chooses for us; else we might sometimes turn away from our best blessings and put from us the choicest and loveliest gifts of His providence." Susannah Spurgeon

My husband has called me a brave china doll, a phrase he coined, for quite some time. I've faced some pretty tough stuff in my life, but nothing as heart-breaking and gut-wrenching as the battle I've been in for the last year and a half as I've faced the ugly, lonely world of infertility. But, it's my reality for now, and this is the place where I am going to try and put words to what I am feeling.

To cut to the chase, I have PCOS and am hypothyroid. In February of this year, I found out that I have a unicornuate uterus which could make carrying a baby full-term quite difficult. I had a lapraoscopy last week that confirmed it and will beginning fertility treatment soon.