Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Still sad

Thank you to kj for the sweet comment. I really appreciate it! I always look forward to comments.

Today I am heartsick. The fear of never having biological children escalates with each passing month and each unsuccessful fertility treatment. It never gets easier. And now the stakes are higher, the blow harder, and the emotions stronger because of the humiliation and cost of it all.

When you are TTC on your own, not many people have to know and not much, (other than time and emotion) is spent on it. Now, I feel as if I let a whole lot of people down and the costs all around, physically, emotionally, and financially are much higher.

However, I know I did everything possible I could do, and that's all I could do.

On a funny note, while I was having my meltdown last night, I made my very insecure dog even more insecure. She was very nervous, ears back, and kept licking her lips (a sign of insecurity in dogs). My husband says it was probably because she sees me as Alpha in the pack, and Alpha was insecure, so it made her even more so. How funny.

Welp, my hubby doesn't call me Brave China Doll for nothing!

Congrats to my husband on wrapping his first feature film! I love you and am proud of you!

1 comment:

kate said...

That's exactly it - those are the feelings we all go through. I'm at the point now where I'm sad for myself, but becoming more sad for disappointing my husband (although, he doesn't see it that way at all!). It isn't his fault we can't have kids :( I too always felt that I'm doing EVERYTHING possible to get pregnant - and that's how we keep moving on. You try the next thing, plan your next move - it keeps you going and full of hope. Hugs again - you'll pick yourself up the next few days and look forward to the next step!