Saturday, August 11, 2007

Another failed cycle

I've been MIA for two reasons. One, I've been on vacation, and two I don't know what to say these days.

We had a great time with the family in Myrtle Beach although it was HOT and still is here in Atlanta. I enjoyed doing just about nothing for a week.

Now, I am in the midst of starting and I'm just plain disappointed. I took the Ovidrel trigger shot this time which gave me fake pregnancy symptoms for a good 9 days straight. It's so ironic and unfair.

There are so many woman that I have met who have gotten pregnant with a UU and I just can't understand why it's not working for us. Everything I've read says that a UU shouldn't cause infertility. Even my doctors said previously that they didn't think I would have a problem getting pregnant -- their concern was me carrying full-term. I always have thought it would be the opposite way around. It's so frustrating that I can't even get my foot on the huge mountain I potentially will have to climb. So why on Earth isn't it working?

This journey has been such a tough one. I've cried enough tears to fill up the Atlantic Ocean it seems. It has unfolded in stages and I've just been "so sure" the next thing would be "it". Allow me to share with you the rollercoaster I've been on for the better part of two years:

At first, after 8 months of trying, it was found that I was hypothyroid and wasn't ovulating. Great! It was obvious to everyone now why I wasn't getting pregnant. Correct the thyroid and PRESTO! I should ovulate and get pregnant, right? Wrong. Okay, okay -- still not ovulating even though thyroid is corrected -- I guess I'll take Clomid, even though I don't want to. At least I'll ovulate and get pregnant. I ovulate and hope is restored. Now we just have to give it some time. "Call us when you're pregnant!" After all, Clomid should work within 3 months! No pregnancy after 3 months and I fall apart, realizing that if it was going to happen, statistically, it would have already happened. 2 more months on Clomid. Nothing. Panic ensues. I request the HSG be done. I have a UU. I'm devastated. "No worries, woman with UU's get pregnant all the time, you just might need to have a c-section." Whew! At least now I realize why I haven't gotten pregnant yet! I only have one tube! Hope is restored and I have a new lense to view why the Clomid hasn't worked.

Now onto the RE. He wonders why I didn't get pregnant on Clomid and thinks I have endometriosis. (Now looking back, maybe I should have thought more through that considering we have no male factor, before we tried more treatment.) Okay, well that's probably it. So, I have surgery. No endometriosis! The pelvis is "squeaky clean" Perfect in every way except for the UU. I'll get pregnant with little help from the RE says nice OB/GYN.

But I haven't.

I am now running out of things to explain away why this or that hasn't worked and find myself faced with the harsh reality of everything. We're nearing the end of our options, and I can't believe I'm here.

We will do one more cycle of all injectibles next month. Barring it's a good cycle, that will be the end for us as far as fertility treatment goes. We'll always try, but this madness has to end. My little heart can't take much more -- nor our pocket books for that matter.

God, please let it work. It's time...


Sue & Charlie said...

I feel your pain. Infertility is a very hard thing, especially with the PCOS. I have both, and low progesterone, we tried clomid, IUI w/ injectables many, many times.

I wish you all the luck & strength in the world on your next month of treatment.

kate said...

it's so ironic - your "story" is exactly like mine. The only difference, I don't have a thyroid problem but an pitutary issue. Like you - I thought cool, let's fix that and I'll get pg (even with the UU). But it didn't happen. Has your dr done an HSG to check if your good tube is open? I just wanted to also mention - that I'm currently looking to get my blood sugar levels tested. I don't have pcos, but have read more and more that thyroid/pitutary hormone imbalances (and thus poor egg quality) can be caused by insulin resistence... I'm seeing my general dr next week to see what he thinks! I'll let you know what he says :) I'm so sorry you had another failed cycle - I could have written your exact words. I've cried more than I ever have in my life, and the pain just doesn't go away. I'm so sorry and I hope you and I find answers soon! hugs.

Brave China Doll said...

Thanks Kate. I appreciate all your kind words. I have had the HSG and a laparoscopy that confirmed my right tube is open.

I have had my blood surgars tested back in March, and I believe they were okay. Do let me know what your doc says!

How long have you been trying for?


kate said...

Hi Becca,

I've been trying for approx 1 1/2 years. It's been about 1 year since I was dx with a UU. I think right now I need to work on improving ovulation on schedule. I ovulate, just late. So my hope is to regulate ovulation and just pray for good timing on the right side. If I see improvement in my cycle, I'm going to try another inject cycle at the end of the year :)

Great seeing photos of you this morning. It's a daily struggle dealing with this and you're not alone... hugs