Thursday, May 3, 2007

A plan

Went to the RE Tuesday and I've got a plan. I'm scared to death about spending a ton of money and having nothing to show for it in the end, but I have to try, and I have to trust.

As I've said before, I think I go into these appointments thinking they will be able to tell me for sure if I'll get pregnant. In my mind, I know they can't. Nobody can. But in my heart, I desperately want something to hold on to, for someone to assure me that the pain WILL end someday.

For me, I have to surrender this daily to the God who I know is sovereign in this situation and is the giver of life. I read a wonderful quote the other day. It said, "Though the pain intensifies, His plan has not been aborted." What comfort I find in that truth.

Knowing that God is sovereign, all-powerful and that he has the power to limit the intensity of my pain and knowing that he loves me desperately, I have to surmise that he is working a wonderful plan that He's right in the middle of. No matter what the outcome, even though I can't imagine it now, it will be the very best for me and I will be happiest with what he has planned.

That doesn't mean I'm not heartsick. I am. The Bible says that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other...Oh, and some more waiting. :-)

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